Grief, worry and hard days
Can't sleep because of worry? What helps
Give worries a time and a place before bed, so they don't take over the night: the NHS suggests writing them down and setting aside 10 to 15 minutes of 'worry time' each day or so before bed. Pair that with a regular bedtime, an hour of winding down, and no caffeine or screens late in the evening.
Why is this harder than it sounds?
When you're stressed or anxious, the NHS explains, your body feels more alert and your mind fills with worrying thoughts, which is the opposite of what sleep needs. Lying in the dark gives those thoughts nothing to compete with. Trying hard to stop worrying usually backfires, and checking the time makes it worse. Poor sleep then makes the next day harder and the next night's worries louder. Breaking the cycle is less about forcing sleep and more about giving worries somewhere else to go.
What can help?
- 01
Write worries down
The NHS suggests getting worries out of your head and onto paper or a notes app, so you can work through them one by one instead of all at once.
- 02
Set a 'worry time'
Spend 10 to 15 minutes before bed writing things down and looking for solutions. When a worry comes up later, tell yourself you'll deal with it in tomorrow's worry time.
- 03
Sort what you can act on
The NHS describes a 'worry tree' to separate problems you can do something about from hypothetical worries. For the first kind, write a specific plan: what, how and when.
- 04
Keep regular sleep times
The NHS advises going to bed and waking at around the same time each day, and only going to bed when you feel sleepy.
- 05
Wind down
Relax for at least an hour before bed, with a bath or a book. Avoid alcohol, tea and coffee in the 6 hours before bed, and put devices away before you go to bed.
- 06
Talk to a GP if it persists
If poor sleep is regularly affecting how you feel and cope, or worry has become overwhelming, the NHS suggests seeing a GP. In England you can also refer yourself to NHS talking therapies.
What tends not to work
Lying in bed trying to force yourself to stop worrying.
Scrolling your phone in bed. The NHS says the light from screens makes you more awake.
Drinking alcohol to get to sleep.
Common questions
Is it normal to lie awake worrying?
A few sleepless nights are usually nothing to worry about, the NHS says, but if poor sleep happens often it can start to affect how you feel and cope. That's when it's worth trying a structured approach and, if it doesn't help, talking to a GP.
What is worry time?
A technique the NHS describes: set aside a short period, about 10 to 15 minutes, every day or so before bed, to write down worries and look for solutions. Outside that time, you postpone worries to the next session.
Where Vangie fits
Someone who checks on you
Vangie can be part of your wind-down. Tell her what's on your mind in the evening and she'll listen without rushing to fix it, offer a small calming practice, like slow breathing with a longer out-breath, and, if you'd like, a short prayer or line from your own tradition, or grounded words if you're secular. She's there to chat at 3am too. Set quiet hours so check-in calls never come at night.
Sources and support
General information, not medical or mental health advice. Vangie is an AI companion: not a licensed counsellor, therapist, doctor or member of the clergy, and not an emergency service. If you are worried about your mental health, talk to your GP or doctor; in the UK, NHS 111 can help if you need urgent help but it isn't an emergency.