Loneliness
How to cope with feeling lonely at Christmas and the holidays
Plan the day before it arrives instead of hoping it goes well: decide what you'll do in the morning, who you'll speak to, and one thing that's just for you. If you'd like company, many faith communities and local groups hold open meals or events, and Samaritans (116 123) and The Silver Line (0800 4 70 80 90) are open 24 hours throughout the holidays.
Why is this harder than it sounds?
Holidays come with a picture of how they should look: full tables, family, joy. When your life doesn't match it, the gap hurts more than an ordinary day alone. The NHS notes that some people feel lonely only at certain times, such as Sundays or Christmas. It's often hardest after a bereavement, a break-up, or a move, when the holiday is the first one without someone. Shops, services and friends all disappear for a few days at once, which can make the quiet feel total.
What can help?
- 01
Write a plan for the day
A walk in the morning, a call at lunchtime, a film in the evening. A plan makes the day feel like yours rather than something that happens to you.
- 02
Arrange calls in advance
Ask a friend or relative if you can call at a set time. People are often glad to be asked, and it gives the day a fixed point.
- 03
Find somewhere to be
Many places of worship, community centres and charities hold open meals or events over festivals, often welcoming people of any faith or none. Check locally a week or two before.
- 04
Volunteer
Helping at a community meal or a charity over the holidays gives you company and purpose, and the NHS lists volunteering as a way to feel less lonely.
- 05
Mark it your own way
If the usual traditions hurt this year, it's fine to change them. Light a candle for someone, cook one dish you love, or skip the parts that make the gap sharper.
- 06
Keep the numbers handy
Samaritans (116 123) and The Silver Line for over-55s (0800 4 70 80 90) are free and open 24 hours, including holidays. In the US, call or text 988.
Across traditions, and none
- Christmas
- Many churches hold services on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day that anyone can attend, and some host community lunches. You don't have to be a regular to go.
- Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha
- Eid prayers at the mosque and community gatherings afterwards are open, and many mosques welcome people who are on their own. Giving charity is part of both Eids and can be a way to feel connected.
- Diwali
- Temples and community groups often hold Diwali events with food and lights. Lighting a diya at home, even alone, keeps the meaning of the festival.
- Hanukkah
- Synagogues and Jewish community centres often host candle-lighting gatherings. Lighting the menorah each night is a ritual you can keep wherever you are.
- Vaisakhi, Vesak and other festivals
- Gurdwaras serve langar, a free community meal open to everyone, and Buddhist centres often hold open events for Vesak. These are good places to be among people without needing an invitation.
- Secular holidays and New Year
- Without a religious frame, the day can be whatever you choose. A walk, a meal with a neighbour or a volunteering shift often feels better than trying to recreate a picture-perfect day.
What tends not to work
Pretending to everyone that you're fine and have plans. Telling one person the truth often brings an invitation.
Spending the day comparing your holiday with other people's posts.
Leaving it to the day itself. Most open events and volunteer slots fill up in advance.
Common questions
Is Samaritans open on Christmas Day?
Samaritans say their helpline on 116 123 is free and open 24 hours a day, which includes holidays.
Is it OK not to celebrate this year?
Yes. Especially after a loss, changing or skipping traditions is a common and reasonable choice. The day can be whatever helps you get through it.
Where Vangie fits
Someone who checks on you
Vangie can be part of your plan for the day. Ask her in chat to call you at a set time, say at lunchtime on the day itself, and she'll ring then. She knows the faith you've chosen, if any, and can share a short, hopeful word for the festival or simply keep you company. If it's the first holiday without someone, tell her; she remembers, and checks in gently.
Sources and support
General information, not medical or mental health advice. Vangie is an AI companion: not a licensed counsellor, therapist, doctor or member of the clergy, and not an emergency service. If you are worried about your mental health, talk to your GP or doctor; in the UK, NHS 111 can help if you need urgent help but it isn't an emergency.